and how i wish i never met you ...

it hurts me to sit here and write the shit thats on my brain. don't know where to begin, don't know where to end. the list can go on forever. my heart has suffered terrible damage because of you and for me to act like everything between us is all cool, is not going to happen. i thought that we could be friends ... not even ... i thought that eventually that we could be lovers again. i thought that everything would go back to normal a couple of months ago but as time progressed things  have gotten worst. 

love is not supposed to hurt. its not supposed to make me cry every night. its not supposed to humiliate me. its supposed to be gentle, kind, warm, and welcoming. you have pushed me beyond return. five months ago today, i woulda thought that this what love was all about. i woulda said that everything was okay and that we would be fine. but things and time have changed. you have shown me the real you. 

yes, i still love you. but that doesn't mean that i am in love with you. i have moved on to happiness. yet, my heart has not completely forgotten you, but now i am loving differently. i am loving with my head instead of my heart. and in this relationship that i have pictured in my head, you don't fit the description. 

the heartache. the tears. the lies. the cheating. i have said goodbye to it. 

now its time to say goodbye to you for good... 

slowly falling out of love ... and honestly it hurts more than you can imagine but it feels better than anything that you've ever put me thru. 

i am not going to be the one to die because of a broken heart. 

[ repair time ]

oh how i wish i never met you ...

goodbye for good 01.10.08